Life's a journey, this is my story

Post I read today

So I just read a post from someone and I’ve realized as I reflect on turning 30 that it has been a fairly shitty span of time.  There has been a lot of issues but after reading what the person wrote I realized I’ve let myself get trapped by the bad things and just life in general.  I want to get out and experience more, and meet new people and just live life doing great things.  The reality of this is that I can’t do anything seriously crazy because I have responsibilities, and there is only one person I’ve ever known that I would have dropped those for.  Now that I have this cancer thing looming over me I feel like now is the time to start getting out and doing more, meeting new friends and seeing new things.  Tomorrow is a new day and I’m still alive, I have hockey tomorrow and it’s the last game of the season no matter what.  This weekend I’m going to go into Seattle and do something great, I need to get back out and do stuff.  I’d give anything to have the life back that I had in the Fall but time doesn’t go backwards.  Like I said I’m still breathing so I can still go out and enjoy the things that I did in the Fall, I especially miss good chocolate especially after Spain.  Oh well, gotta stay happy and positive because life can be great and there are things in life still that I have to look forward to that are going to define my life in amazing ways.  In a short span of time I will have successfully trained two black belts and see my older son become the leading student in his high school (he got valedictorian today, an award in science excellence, and perfect attendance).  Good things are still ahead and I can spend my time exploring the world absorbing the amazing things out there.

De California a España: Alternate Reality

Got my tests done yesterday, waiting on final results. Hell of stressed out about it. I finally broke down and told my friends Marty though and that helped. Should know soon what’s going on.

Today

I go in today to find out the exact nature of what I have and what’s going on inside of me.  I’m not even sure what to think, but theres nothing I can do at this point.  Wish me luck.

So I can’t sleep, the news today keeps rushing through my mind and I’m not sure exactly what to do to quite the noise.  I want to spill my thoughts out here but I’m not even sure I have anything other than what I’ll miss in my life if things go badly.  I’m worried that if I don’t finish training my students that the techniques and skills I was given will go with me because I might be the only person teaching this way anymore.  I’ll miss things from my kids, a whole lifetime of events and I’ve already missed so many.  I’m finally getting good at hockey, I’d be giving up whole seasons and I don’t want to do that.  Honestly I want to be in a deep and amazing mutual love.  This could be just all worst case scenario however and I’m sure it is, just thoughts on a screen that I needed to let out.

More

So I got home today and a letter from my doctor was waiting for me.  I had gone to go get some more tests on these weird lumps I have when I got home Spain and the tests came back saying that they could be cancerous.  I’ve been so nervous about this for weeks and had started this process in March, and I didn’t want to go but I knew I had too.  I’ve kind of kept it a secret from people just because I didn’t want them to worry.  Now I have to go back in for biopsies and some other things to see if they are in fact cancer which is a high probablility that they are.  I unfortunately have no one I can share this news with and I can’t keep it bottled up so I’m just putting it out to random strangers who won’t scare my parents, family, friends or students.  I don’t want to put them through any pain and since I live so far from anyone if I have to go through any kind of treatment no one will know.  I feel a little better, just got to hope Tue turns out alright

Damn Taylor Swift song again, I wish the mall would change the videos they play.

Today

Today was a really interesting today, I’m not exactly sure that this is the right term but it’s all I could come up with right now.  Classes were pretty good this morning and afternoon, well except for the rain which hasn’t really let up all week.  I had dinner this evening with my sign language class which was alright, I just wish I could sign better.  It was kind of disheartening to be surrounded by all my classmates who had brought their significant others (mostly boyfriends since theres only two guys in the class), it made me think of what I’ve lost recently in my life.  I miss having someone to go out to things with, someone to talk about the day while driving home, or even just sharing a donut.  Anyway just kind of rambling thoughts, oh, and I miss sending daily emails about my day.

First A

Today I found out I got an extra two and a half points back on my chem test which puts me at an A, my first time ever in chem getting an A on a test. I can’t wait to start teaching!!!